Manuscript Makeovers

A few blogs ago, I mentioned that I liked makeovers of any kind, more specifically, what I call "Manuscript Makeovers." This is a happy way of saying editing, because sometimes when people think of editing, it is unhappy thoughts that come to mind.

I actually enjoy manuscript makeovers for a number of reasons (which I won't get into here because the list might be rather lengthy and boring), but there is a certain order to all kinds of makeovers. For example, when making over a room, you may begin by clearing out all the furniture and stripping off old wallpaper, then come in with fresh paint and new or remodeled furnishings and decorations. You first clear out what isn't needed anymore, then add things you do want. When making over a face, it's similar (although you can't really peel off outdated skin without drastic measures), but you can begin with fresh, clean skin. Usually you apply the foundation first, hence the name foundation, then add other things like blush, eye makeup, and lipstick, all applied in a different way, in the hopes that the "after" will be better than the "before."

So when I makeover manuscripts, there is a certain order I take, which is this:

1. Plot-I go through the whole manuscript to make sure the plot is solid and moves well. (If it's non-fiction, I still go over the whole thing to make sure it's set up in an orderly fashion.) This I like to do first, because it's kind of like the foundation. And it includes chopping out and or livening the boring parts lest my audience falls asleep, or worse, the potential publisher falls asleep and therefore my hard work goes unpublished so that there will be no audience.

(These next few steps can be done in any order, and not necessarily at different times. Sometimes I'll go through looking for improvements in all these areas, making notes to the side, then go back and fix them all.)

2. Character-Are there any parts that need more character and voice? This is a must because character, in my opinion, is every bit as important as the plot. I try to add character throughout the story in the rough draft, but there can always be room for improvement. Are there any places that could use more emotion or feeling or inside-the-head comments or weird quirky things that make the character lovable? Are there any places that could use less of these things because it slows down the plot?

3. Show vs. Tell-I look for any parts where my mind starts to wander. (When I start thinking about doing the dishes or wondering what I have planned for dinner, it's usually a sign that the story has lost me. And usually when a story has lost me, it's because it's doing way too much telling and not enough showing.) Adding a little show in place of the telling does wonders for adding back spark, and then I'm engaged in the story.

4. Dialogue-This is so entwined with show vs. tell and character, but basically, I look to make sure the dialogue is natural. For example, "Charlie, I am so sad that our cat, Fluffy, got hit by a car. I am going to cry," Martha said sadly to her husband. This is kinda boring and uses the dialogue to explain the story. Vs. "Charlie! Come quick!" Martha ran to the street and scooped up Fluffy. He was bleeding and didn't appear to be breathing. "Oh, baby, don't die, please don't die!" This shows a lot more emotion, character, and you automatically know that Martha is probably sad or panicked without having to actually say it. (This example also shows how character, show vs. tell, and dialogue can be intertwined. You improve one, and it improves the others.)

After I've gone through the first four steps, then it's time to move on to more technical things like spelling, grammar, word choice, and word flow. These don't have to be done in any order, and I can take the manuscript and pencil in any mistakes or improvements in any of these areas and go back and fix them all.

After all that, I like to read through the whole thing again just to make sure there isn't anything I missed. (By this time, the entire thing is pretty well memorized, so perhaps saying that I like to read through the whole thing again is a misuse of words.) Plus, it's always nice to have someone else, or several someone elses, read through the manuscript carefully, because lots of times they can catch things I missed because my brain automatically sees the sentence as complete when really it's not, no matter how many times I read through it.

I have by no means perfected my process of manuscript makeovers, but it works for me by giving me some sense of order and by making it fun as well. If you would like to see an example of a manuscript makeover (which includes living examples of character, show vs. tell and dialogue,) click here.

Manuscript Makeover

Makeovers are awesome, especially on people, cars, rooms (before decorating and after). Manuscripts are no exception. Some people may refer to this as editing (which can sound a bit painful and boring) but I like to call it a manuscript makeover. To make my point, I would like to share with you some before and after shots of something I wrote a long time ago. It's an excerpt from my very first--and never published--novel.

Before:

That night, Mathew came up behind Liza in the garden, and took a seat next to her. They began to read together, but Liza was extra quiet as they read.

“What is wrong, Liza, you seem so quiet tonight?” Mathew asked.

“Nothing, I am just thinking about things.” Liza answered.

Mathew smiled and said, “Tell me what you are thinking Liza, we are friends, remember?”

“I am afraid you will not like what I am thinking about.” Liza said coolly.

Mathew looked at her in surprise. He had never seen Liza so distant and cool before. Something was definitely bothering her. He thought for a moment then asked, “Liza, we are friends. You give me advice, and I can give you advice. Tell me what is bothering you and perhaps I can help.”

Liza could feel her emotions welling up inside her. Mathew was making a horrible mistake, and she couldn't let him do it. She was afraid he would never forgive her for the things she might say. After Mathew asked her again what was wrong, Liza let all her feelings and emotions come out. “Mathew, you are making a big mistake. Don’t marry Miss Rachel. She doesn’t love you! But I do.”

In the time since I wrote this manuscript, I have read and studied and learned a lot about writing and editing. (One great source is "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers" by Rennie Browne and Dave King.) The things I have learned have helped me become a better writer and manuscript makeover-er, knowing how to utilize characterization, show vs. tell, strong dialogue, beats, tags, plot development, and everything else that goes into making a good book.

Now here's a view of this same section of manuscript with my suggestions on how to make it better and more engaging:

That night, Mathew came up behind Liza in the garden,(no comma) and took a seat next to her. They began to read together, but Liza was extra quiet as they read. (Okay, how are they reading outside in a garden at night? I don’t think the moon was that bright. Maybe change to something else. Also, what’s the setting like? More detail.)

“What is wrong, Liza, you seem so quiet tonight?” Mathew asked. (No need for these two characters to call each other by name all the time.)

“Nothing, I am just thinking about things.” Liza answered. (Could use a beat instead of tag.)

Mathew smiled and said, “Tell me what you are thinking Liza, we are friends, remember?” (More natural dialogue.)

“I am afraid you will not like what I am thinking about.” Liza said coolly. (Okay,it's becoming apparent that all the dialogue going on needs to be more natural, and here’s a good place to really bring to life.)

Mathew looked at her in surprise. He had never seen Liza so distant and cool before. Something was definitely bothering her. (Add some show vs. tell.) He thought for a moment then asked, “Liza, we are friends. You give me advice, and I can give you advice. Tell me what is bothering you and perhaps I can help.” (Clean up dialogue.)

Liza could feel her emotions welling up inside her. Mathew was making a horrible mistake, and she couldn’t let him do it. She was afraid he would never forgive her for the things she might say. After Mathew asked her again what was wrong, Liza let all her feelings and emotions come out. “Mathew, you are making a big mistake. Don’t marry Miss Rachel. She doesn’t love you! But I do.” (Lots of narration here, could be shown better with action or dialogue.)

(Overall, punctuation could be cleaned up, I could use more show vs. tell, more emotion, more beats instead of tags, better dialogue, and way less usage of the name Liza.)

Now, we can take these suggestions, plug them into the manuscript, and see where that takes us. (Keep in mind this was a quick revision. It still isn't there yet, but good enough to illustrate.)

After:

The stone bench in the garden seemed extra hard and cool tonight. Had it always felt that way, or were Liza's thoughts influencing her surroundings as well as her emotions?

“Can I have a seat?” It was Mathew, standing behind her, so close she could almost feel him.

She slid over, pulling her dress alongside so it wouldn’t snag on something, but said nothing. Her dampened neckline was evidence enough of the warm night, so making an effort to count the chirps of the crickets hidden in the surrounding hedges wasn’t necessary. Still she counted, though. Anything to keep her mind off her thoughts.

Mathew pulled a leaf off a nearby hedge and twirled it between his fingers. “You uh, seem a little quiet tonight. Is something wrong?”

“I’m just thinking.”

“What about? You can tell me.”

She pushed the breath she had been holding through her teeth. “I don’t think you would like it.”

Mathew dropped the leaf to the ground and looked at her with widened eyes. “From the look on your face, I would almost mistake you for a hardened criminal.”

The corners of her mouth twitched somewhat like a grin, though she still felt more like scowling.

“Come on,” he said. “You can tell me. Maybe I can help you.”

Emotions welled and swirled inside her, surprising her with their intensity. How could this man make such an obvious, horrible mistake? And he couldn’t even see it! “Don’t marry Miss Rachel, she doesn’t love you!” Liza shifted back, taking in the shocked expression of his face that matched the feeling inside herself, then, letting her voice and emotions soften, said, “But I do.”

Incorporating these different techniques and suggestions into the manuscript, so that it can be it's best, will hopefully not only engage your readers and keep them turning the pages, but also catch the eye of a potential publisher. :)

What Moves Your Words?

I had the experience to learn a little about persuasive writing for advertising, press releases, websites, and such. The first important thing listed was personality, and the second, the ability to keep the reader interested in the topic so they will continue reading.

This was interesting to me, because, as someone who loves to write fiction, I have found that the top two ingredients that make a good novel are the same two things; characterization and a solid plot, by using the right words at the right time to keep the reader turning those pages.

Now, there are people who prefer plot driven books, and there are others who prefer character driven books. My personal preference is the character driven books, but that's not to say that you can have a weak plot and get away with it. They are both essential. But I feel so strongly about characterization, that I would say that it helps to move the plot along and creates an interest with the readers, a connection, so that they will keep reading.

But there are other important ingredients needed to help create characterization and move the plot forward. Two of them are:
1. Show vs. Tell
2. Dialogue

Here is an example of how using show vs. tell and dialogue can add to your writing, whether fiction or non-fiction, by helping to develop character or personality. But first, I'll relate a story using tell. (This is a true story, by the way, so I suppose you could call it non-fiction.)

The other night, while I was typing, my six-year-old asked me what nuttins were. I had no idea, but it turned out that he got the word from "I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas." I laughed to myself, cleared up the misunderstanding, and we gave each other a hug. He is so cute and funny.

Now, here is the same story showing how it happened, not merely telling that it did, along with dialogue to make the scene come alive, hopefully developing a bit of character:

I was sitting in front of my computer, working on my latest project. At least I was attempting to work. It was difficult with more interruptions than I would like.

There was a tap at my shoulder from my little boy. "Mom, what are nuttins?" Another interruption, but those eyes of his were so wide, expecting me to be wise enough to answer his question, that I really wanted to answer him.

"Nuttins? I have no idea." Maybe they were some kind of nutty muffin recipe. I would have to try it.

"But it's in a song." He started singing with that serious expression he gets on his face when he's concentrating. "I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas. Mommy and Daddy, are...oh, I forgot the word. Is it angry or mad?"

At this point, I was smiling. My work forgotten.

"Oh, it's mad," he said.

"The kid in the song is getting nothing for Christmas because he's been bad. But you are good, so you don't have to worry about that."

A grin lit up his face, and he threw his arms around my neck, squeezing me tight. I returned his squeeze with a kiss on his cheek. Merry Christmas, my little boy.

Whether you write fiction or non-fiction, I feel that adding a little personality to your words will keep the reader interested and they will want to keep reading. And if you have made it to these last words in my post, I'm hoping it was because you found it interesting enough to keep reading.

Merry Christmas!