Drum Roll, Please . . . .

by Rebecca Talley

Before I announce the winner of our contest, I wanted to thank all of you who participated and became followers of our blog. I hope you've enjoyed the blog and that you'll return often. We'll be holding more contests in the future.

I hope you'll share our link with others, submit questions to us, and interact with us regularly. Writing can be lonely at times and we all experience rejections, frustrations, and bumps in the road. Together, we can all cheer each other on and support our crazy addiction to the written word.

Thanks again for participating. We appreciate your support!

Without further ado, the winner of Altared Plans is . . . . Cheri Chesley.

Cheri, please email me your address and I will get a copy sent off to you. I hope you enjoy it.

The Phone Call

The phone rang the other morning with the obnoxious ring that all phones have. Racing to answer it before the person hung up, I answered, slightly out of breath.
“Rachel? I just wanted to call and give you a heads up that you might need to get a substitute pianist for the choir on Sunday,” Sister Jones said on the other end. She sounded a little frantic. “Sister Baker’s daughter is on her way to the children’s hospital in Salt Lake and doesn’t know when they’ll be back.”
“Oh, no! What happened?”
“Emma fell off their horse a while back and they thought she just had the flu. But apparently she has some major internal problems with her organs and they took her to Salt Lake this morning.”
Now, I’m the choir director in my ward and we’re singing today. Fortunately the second councilor in the bishopric’s wife said she’d play and does a masterful job. But honestly, my first thought was not for my choir or the predicament I was in but for the Baker family.
The Bakers don’t have very much money and they have eight children. Sister Baker just had a bout of cancer and one of the boys has had cancer too. So this is not a family unaccustomed to trials. Still, my heart went out to poor little Emma who is not yet even four! I can only imagine how scared she must be – and her parents too.
About two weeks before this, my husband and I were getting ready for bed late on night when we heard the piercing sirens of an ambulance as it stopped across the street from our home. Knowing the 83 year-old grandmother who lived there had a severe heart attack the month before and had problems with fluid collecting on her lungs, we rushed out to see what was wrong. The medics wheeled her out on a stretcher and her sister and her worried children filed into the street. We feared the worst but her daughter said she would probably be okay. She wasn’t eating and had more fluid on her lungs. In fact, over the course of the last month, they have pumped about 48 pints of fluid from off her lungs. But she has signed the papers saying they aren’t allowed to do anything more to her to keep her alive. So it’s only a matter of time. And while the medics and firemen arrived and then helped her into the ambulance, we sat across the street, helplessly watching as they carried away the sweet lady who has been like a grandmother to us.
Now, I don’t tell you these stories to put you down, but I have been thinking a lot about the precariousness of life. It is so easy to take our health and family for granted. I wonder what I might miss if someone special were to suddenly not be here tomorrow. Would they have felt my love for them? Would they have understood the importance they were in my life? And would I always regret not doing things differently? It is amazing how little things can put my mind into certain thoughts. I hope these things make me a better person! And I hope we all will strive to let those closest to us know of our love for them!

Peek in the Past - Igloos, Tigers, and Friendly Giants

Today, I’d like to delve into childhood some more—when time seemed to last forever, and responsibilities consisted of remembering to feed my rabbit in the hutch I built from boxes; take Gyp the dog for walks; and collect runner beans from the garden for mum to cook for dinner. And the sun always shone. Well, maybe not. England isn’t known for sunny days. But in my memory, there was plenty of sunshine. Imagination can work a magic of its own no matter what.

Snowball (see last post) often left the attic and followed wherever I went - on foot, bike, or roller skates - my invisible friend was all the protection I needed back then. These days, I’d be worried sick if my granddaughters wandered alone.
A favorite place for make-believe was across the road from our Victorian semi in Knutsford. There was a large field occupied by an ancient carthorse, and beyond the field, down an embankment was the railway line. When I walked the length of the field and climbed a fence at the far end, I could jump onto the embankment and edge my way along the top until I came to a gap in the shrubs. Once through, I slithered halfway down the steep slope to the next ledge. There, Snowball and I stretched out on the grass and watched for trains.

It was a quiet place until a steam train clattered past. The occasional bumblebee droned and drooled over pollen in scattered wild flowers, and spectacular clouds formed igloos, tigers, and friendly giants overhead. It was the perfect spot for my fairy people who lived among the matted roots. Their adventures occupied space in my mind for many years.

One story eventually popped out at a traumatic family moment. More about that in my next post. I have to gather photographs for Famous Family Nights right now.

PS
Feel free to join a Facebook group for Famous Family Nights by clicking HERE.

Writing Humor

Here are some general answers to frequently asked questions people ask me as a humor author. In future posts I will explore each of these subjects in more depth.

1. What’s the secret to making people laugh? Writing humor is like drawing caricatures. You take true things that happen, or annoyances that are common to most people and you enlarge or exaggerate them and make them silly. For example…In one essay from “Confessions of a Completely Insane Mother,” I have exaggerated my problems with garden pests into a war against bugs…and I have enlarged my daughter’s love of nature to be a crusade to save roly-poly’s. When other people have the same grievance in common with you, they laugh, because it is soothing and reassuring to laugh at other people who have the same problems.

Humor is also about surprises…you have to set people up with a very serious point and then totally hit them out of thin air with something ridiculous. If you’ve ever read Dave Barry, you have seen him do this over and over. Irony is also a big part of making people laugh. When you take a person who thinks he is suave and cool and he's totally not...that is funny.

2. What about the characters, are they part of the humor, and are they true to life? The characters are what make the story funny and interesting. How they overcome their various ridiculous obstacles is something that puts the icing on the cake, humor-wise. Exaggeration is expected in the humor genre. The characters are usually sort of true, but blown out of proportion. In my book “Confessions…,” I have taken true characteristics of people in my family and exaggerated them in each person to make them funny. For instance I have a mind that is always coming up with impractical new ideas to solve problems…and in the stories I blow that trait up into a character who is constantly coming up with these outrageous schemes to solve every tiny family issue.

If you read stories by Patrick McManus, you’ll notice he does the same things with his characters….and even his characters’ names are part of the exaggeration. For instance he names a very “smooth” girl that he dates, “Velveeta,” and his very straight-laced wife is named, “bun” as if she always wears a bun in her hair. Funny characterization is the best form of humor in any writing because when people love your characters, they will keep coming back for more.

Next time: I’ll explore the use of irony in writing and how it can make your writing more saleable.

Kersten Campbell, author of "Confessions of a Completely Insane Mother" (www.kerstencampbell.com)(humor blog: www.kersten4.blogspot.com)

This Blog is Good for Everyone

I wonder how much we as authors have learned from each other since the Writing Fortress became a reality. I, for one, feel that it has been a great success. In one of the postings we might read a simple statement or a profound thought that touches us. Some posts may present ideas. Others awaken our imagination with inspiration. Yet another might explain feelings that unite with our own, and we find that we are not alone in our stuggles as authors. I think this blog has brought us closer, not only as authors but also as friends.

But I have to admit in all that I have learned, I have learned nothing about commas. I have written five books and I still do not understand them. I know what you're thinking. "By now, lady, you should be a master of commas." Right? I agree, but they continue to elude me. They disrupt my dreams and turn them into nightmares. They attack when least expected and plant themselves in the shadows, hiding themselves until they are sure I will not find them, then they blossom like poison ivy, wrapping themselves around sentences and paragraphs, filling pages with their sticky ,,,,,,,.

But alas, I have found a way to weed them out. I have called upon the one who has been given the gift of comma understanding and, with red ink, he suffocates them and leaves them exposed for me to delete. Aha. The only problem is that it takes longer to get a manuscript ready. I'm working on a new manuscript, and I'm waiting for my Comma Extinguisher to do his job then I can delete, delete, delete, with great pleasure and a slight headache.

Since I mentioned that I have authored five books, I had better give their titles. My first book is the product of a musical I wrote for my Community Theatre, several years ago. "Miracles for Michael."

"Journey of the Promise," (a mystery of suspence with a touch of romance) came next. "Pages From the Past" (a modern patriotic mystery) and its sequel, "The Silent patriots," are number 3 & 4. "Prince Etcheon and the Secret of the Ancient," (a fantasy), is my 5th. I can only say that, if you were to ask the author, she would tell you that these books make wonderful and exciting reading.

I realize I haven't told you anything about the author. I love to write. I love to paint. I love to sing. I love to do Family History. When you put all these together it makes for a busy life. Would I have it any other way? I don't think so. But it does make the days fly by.

My writing career began with simple stories that fluttered around in my head. I wrote a few Roadshows (remember those). Then I had the opportunity to write a musical about Joseph Smith's conversion which I titled: "That You Might Understand." I wrote three Children's musicals for the elementry school in the small city of Orangeville, Utah, where we lived for 35 years. Then, one day I had the opportunity to ghost write 2 books for a gentleman in California. After that, I decided I would rather write my own, and I did - and I'm so glad I did.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post and I hope you didn't find any commas out-of-place. If you did, will you keep it a secret, please?

A Few Quiet Minutes To Write

By Nichole Giles

The day school let out for summer was bittersweet for me. I love my kids, they are the light of my world. But having them home with me—all day, every day—just felt overwhelming.

I know I’ve done it before—this entertaining kids 24/7 thing. But ever since my youngest (now nine) started first grade, I’ve learned to cherish my alone time. It’s my cleaning time, my blasting-the-stereo-while-I-shower time, my running-errands-with-the-convertible-top-down time (even when it’s only fifty degrees outside). But most importantly, it’s been my writing time.

Oh, how I miss my writing time.

That’s not to say I don’t still find time to write, just that it’s a lot harder to do during the summer—especially if I try to write during the day, because I get interrupted literally every three minutes. All I want is a few quiet, uninterrupted minutes.

But there are benefits to not having my schedule revolve around school. For one thing, I’ve always been a night writer. There’s just something about the quiet of the house when everyone else is asleep that gets me in the groove. Except I must be getting old, because anymore, I can’t stay awake the way I used to. But when I do stay up—because I choose to, not because the neighbors dogs are barking incessantly or because the neighbor kids are playing night games—I can sleep in the next morning without worrying about making the kids late. Then I’d have to write a note to the teacher, explaining that my child is late because I spent the night in a battle between good and evil, which the good fairies and mermaids eventually won. Some teachers just don’t get it.

And as soon as it gets warm, we plan to spend time at the pool—me, the kids, and my notebook and pen. There’s nothing like the warm touch of sunshine to help me see the scene I’ve been searching for. Or…wait…maybe that’s the neighbor kid pushing his mother in the deep end while she talks on the cell phone. And…oh no…wait, it’s okay. The lifeguard will save her. I think. But they might have to get a diver to go after the phone.

Hm. I wonder if my computer chord will stretch into my closet? I’ll sit on the floor among the rows of shoes and write about dust bunnies who have an obsession with sandals. Or better yet, maybe I’ll try the bathroom. I could write about a main character who got sucked inside a cyclone and ended up in China—except no one ever leaves me alone in there, either. That’s a bad idea—not to mention a water hazard.

I tried writing in the backyard the other day, a story about two dogs who left their home to go on adventures yet unknown, but after a few minutes my knees dripped with doggy drool from my own dogs, and my keyboard was sticky from being licked—but not by me. I brushed the dog hair off my screen, and then the rain clouds opened up and sent a torrent. Nope, outside doesn’t work so well either.

Well, I should go. I’m going to try hiding out in my car. Maybe if I scrunch up in the backseat and write really fast, no one will find me…

Until we meet again, write on!

Meet author, Trina Boice!

Would you believe there is still one more author in this writing fortress to hear from? Me! I’m Trina Boice, one of the few non-fiction authors in the crowd. I’ve written 6 books so far with lots more on the way! My 7th will be published by Cedar Fort just in time for Christmas shopping. Yay!

I asked my family how I should introduce myself to you in a clever, creative way and I got quite a few mixed suggestions. My husband said I should tell you about all of the things I’m NOT, so I thought I’d try that first:

“I’m not a super sonic rocket, but I have been known to eat ice cream at lightening speed.
I’m not apathetic, and have the emotional scars to prove it from being a political correspondent for KPBS during last year’s election.
I’m not a crazed, texting teenager, but I do write for Go2.com
I’m not a 95 year old grandma, but I sure would like to take a nap, and some say I’m off my rocker.”

Hmmm....maybe I should try my youngest son's suggestion. He thought I should tell you about myself from the viewpoint of the pencil I write my books with:
“Gee, Trina is really sharp and gets to the point.” Silly pencil. I write with my keyboard.

Then my twin sister encouraged me to write from her point of view:
“Trina is really really good looking.”

Ummm, that's obviously not going to work. So I thought I’d try my oldest son’s idea. He's serving a mission in Argentina and loves language and rhyming.

“There once was a writer named Trina.
She dances, but is no ballerina.
She won California’s Mother of the Year.
She’s LDS and has never drunk beer.
Trina served a mission in Spain
Wow, this rhyming attempt is real lame.”

Ok, since that’s not working out very well, how about I try my 2nd son’s idea? He’s a college student and wanted you to know that I graduated from BYU with 2 bachelor’s degrees and competed on the Speech & Debate team and Ballroom Dance team. I was President of the National Honor Society Phi Eta Sigma and served as ASBYU Secretary of Student Community Services. Later I went on to get two master’s degrees from CCHS. I’d love to get a PhD some day just so people would have to call me Dr. and I could pretend like I really know something.

My 3rd son wanted me to tell you about all of the things he and I have in common. He is studying mixed martial arts, inspired by his mom who has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. He doesn’t realize I’d pass out from fright if I were ever really attacked by a bad guy. I received the President’s “Point of Light Award” and he likes to point his laser light in people’s faces. He’s an energetic bundle of joy and I feel joy whenever I finally get energy. He plays all day on his computer and I work all day on mine.

It’s a good thing I don’t have more children or you’d be sitting here all day, reading more of their goofy ideas. Let’s just keep it short and say that I’m thrilled to be writing for Cedar Fort and I’m excited to meet you all! Besides, if I told you what I really do for a living, I’d have to kill you.