Reader Pet Peeves

**P.S. (not post script, but pre script) Will Impkatt - the winner of my August giveaway - please contact me at jaimetheler AT yahoo dot com with your mailing address so I can mail your book to you?**

I thought about giving some writing advice for my post today, which might be interesting to those of you who are authors or aspiring authors, but... nah! If you're in the mood for some writing advice there are some great posts by many talented authors here on this very blog.

One of the reasons--okay, probably the biggest reason--that I started writing is because I love to read so much. As I've grown older and wiser I've come to grips with the fact that I'm addicted to reading. I not only read multiple books a week, but I also read cereal boxes, shampoo bottles, any signs around me, newspapers (except the sports section - I am purely a SportsCenter highlights type of sports fan), magazines while waiting in line at the store, picture books, bookmarks, etc. I'm a pretty equal-opportunity addict, so I've read at least some books in almost any genre. And I've discovered some pet peeves that crop up again and again.

I thought it might be fun to rant (just a little). So.... Jaime's pet peeves as an avid reader:

1. When the author can't think of another way to show the hero as sensitive and loving except to make him cry all the time. Or mist up, or get choked up, etc. I like a man to appreciate a sunset, but if he starts blubbering, I'm leaving. If I want someone to cry at the drop of a hat, I have a 6 year old daughter for that. These books not only get put down, but thrown across the room. If only the hero was there in person, then I could forgive tears at being hit by a book in the face.

2. Building up to an awesome climax, only to have everyone talk it out and walk away. (*cough*Breaking Dawn*cough*) Whhaat?! Where's the smackdown?

I like action movies. I like the ending of Sahara where Matthew McConaughey shoots a cannon into the windshield of the bad guy's helicoptor. (And it only has a little bit to do with the fact that it's Matthew McConaughey doing it :) We get a thrill of vicarious justification in the Knockout ending. It doesn't mean I'd like to see someone get hit by a cannonball in real life, but don't hype it up, then let it fizzle out on me like a can of opened pop left on the counter all day. That's just sugary sweet with no punch. Ick!

3. Large sections of nothing but contemplation, followed by some more thinking, some philosophizing, and maybe a cup of tea. I'd also rank up there wandering around for months in a tent, hanging out forever in a cave, and just mooning into someone's eyes for three chapters. And yes, those are specific references to specific books.

If it's a thinking book, then fine. But I've read some great books that make you think while the characters are doing something--other than chatting at a coffee shop.

4. Fantasy kick-butt female characters that wear next to no clothing. I don't care how good she is with a sword, or axe, or staff, or 15 daggers, if she's wearing a fur bikini, she's not going to fare well in a fight. Sorry. And it's a dead giveaway a man wrote it. I doubt he's ever tried doing anything remotely physical in a bikini. She'd be too distracted by trying not to pop out.

5. A book that has to use more than 3 pages to list the characters. Unless it's War and Peace, (which I must admit I haven't read, but it sounded good) I don't want to have to refer to a spreadsheet to keep everyone straight. This includes speculative fiction where the names are all so out there and similar that I can't keep them straight. Maybe it's just lazy of me, or maybe it's the fact that everything else in my life is complicated and I don't want my few minutes of spare time to be just as stressful as juggling my family's schedule.

6. Bad guys who are bad... just because. Just because we all know bad guys are e-vil, the fru-its of the de-vil. (So I Married an Ax Murderer reference.) Although I could see a really fun humorous book about a bad guy who is just bad because he is supposed to be. Maybe he's a really bad, bad guy. Or maybe he wants to buck the system. Maybe a villain coming of age story...

Hold on just a second. I'm going to go write that down.

7. Books that take forever to get into the story. I might give them to chapter three, but if I'm
still thinking "So what?" I'm moving on. The time of Moby Dick is gone, people. To quote my brother, "If it's not instant, it's not worth it." Of course, he was talking as a bachelor about food preparation, but I think it sums up the Instant Generation.

8. Gratuitous, excessive swearing. This is especially annoying when the character with the potty mouth doesn't enter the story until the last third of the book, like in this fantastic horror/suspense I read years ago on a really long plane ride. I'd stayed up and read the entire book while everyone else on the plane slept. I was invested in the story and a new character entered right before the climax that swore every time he talked. Every! Single! Time!

*deep breath* Sorry, it still ticks me off.

9. A love interest who isn't very lovable. A great example of this is a much-hyped set of 3 movies that were prequels to a ground-breaking set of 3 movies that came out when I was a kid. And somehow the director expected us to believe that a mature, accomplished, beautiful woman with a long-established political career and a lot of spunk would really fall in love with a younger, whiny, brooding, rule-breaking guy with an entitlement complex. And completely buck the system and get pregnant over him. What-ev.

And, my biggest pet peeve...

10. When I as a writer commit the very pet peeves that drive me nuts. :)


So, what are your pet peeves? Please share so I make sure I don't do it.